My friend outperforms me in every social encounter

Dear Abby: Last year, after several years abroad, my husband and I returned to the United States and moved to my hometown. It’s been a lonely transition. One of my friends from school, Skip, helped me, but he increasingly dominated social situations by shaping what people first learned about me and my husband. Usually it’s not fun or one-dimensional, or it’ll include me in a one-time event story but make it seem like it’s my whole life, which it’s not.

The skip also dominates the conversation and must always be right. This interferes with our meeting other people, and leaves my husband feeling alienated and even lonely. He wants to meet new people and have conversations, but Skip doesn’t take it well when I try to explain to him that his behavior is stifling.

Should I back off, or try to broach the topic of allowing my husband and I to interact with new people without skipping our identification before we meet them? – It was misrepresented in the Midwest

Dear, it was incorrectly submitted: Make time for you and your husband to socialize independently of your old “friend,” who doesn’t seem like much of a friend where I’m sitting. Use this time to research volunteer opportunities for you and your spouse, separately if necessary, and join social groups or other special interest groups.

If you do this, these people will have the opportunity to meet the real you, and your spouse may start to feel less isolated. Please don’t wait to start, because if you do, your husband may become depressed due to constant social isolation.

Dear Abby: My husband has two adult children from his first marriage and two grandchildren. When I met him, he was still in what he described as a very unhappy and unhealthy marriage of 30 years. Because of this, his family called me a homewrecker. While his children are polite and friendly, we don’t have any kind of relationship with each other.

My husband feels that every holiday, we should host his kids for part of the day, and then they can go with their mother and other families. I don’t think I should open my home and cook for people who don’t like me. Can you give me some guidance? – Find what is fair

Dear looking: Please consider changing position. You mentioned that your stepchildren are polite and friendly to you. They may not hate you as much as they fear that getting too close to you will alienate their mother. Your husband should be able to invite his children into the home you share if he wishes, and the atmosphere should be as warm and welcoming as possible. ((Kill them gently))

If there is a lot of work, your husband should help you with it if he can. If you can do this, you may be able to improve your relationship with your stepchildren, which will benefit everyone.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Call Dear Abby on www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.